Ive had my share of hardships, stresses and just overall emotional challenges but if theres one memory that i could pinpoint, i could narrow it down to one. One of the hardest things i ever had to do emotionally was sing at one of my best/childhood friends funeral and viewing services. No words can express how tough that experience was. Its been almost two years and i could still remember it like it was yesterday. The reaction i got when i was asked to sing, the process of choosing an appropriate song and just the whole overall mental preparation, i could remember it like it was yesterday. The first song i sang was the last song i sang for him before i said goodbye for the last time and the second song i sang was ‘Trust His Heart.’ Ever since that day, i have not heard or sang that song until tonight. I sat at the piano and started playing it and not even midway through the song, i burst into tears.
The reason why i chose this song was because i couldnt understand why God would take home such a good person. I could not understand why God would take home someone so young, someone who had their whole life ahead of them and someone who was one of my best friends. I just couldnt. I remember hearing this song and when i looked up the lyrics, i knew for sure that this was appropriate for the occasion. Now Rahlsons passing is not the reason why i burst into tears… Yes, of course i miss him but i have complete peace and comfort in knowing that hes not in pain or hurting anymore. The reason why i cried so hard was because these lyrics were spot on. Every single word in this song pretty much said everything ive been needing to hear. Every little stress and every little heart ache and every little thing that makes me sad is nothing compared to how good God has been to me.
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can’t
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what’s best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can’t see him,
Remember He’s still on the throne
I struggle with the fear of the unknown. As much as i want to think that everything is gonna be ok in the end, i cant help but worry and trust in myself. Im slowly learning to put all faith in God and just learn to trust him completely but it gets so hard when life keeps kicking you down. I am always at war with myself and with God, asking him Why? Why? Why? Why cant things ever go my way? Why cant things just be easy? However, its not a matter of asking questions but its a matter of knowing that God will never ever give you anything that you cant handle. Yeah, it may seem tough at the moment but when i look back at my life, i cant even remember the stresses and emotional breakdowns but i do remember that every single time, ive been ok.
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don’t understand
When you don’t see his plan
When you can’t trace his hand
Trust His Heart
Every stress that ive felt and everything that made me sad this weekend finally came up to the surface. It feels nice to not have to put on a brave face all the time and act like every things ok. Yes, there are others out there with bigger problems but it doesnt make our problems any less significant. Its just a matter of knowing that our problems arent the end of the world. God’s always there even when we go astray. Like the song says, “When you cant trace his hand, trust His heart.” <3