Forgiveness, a practice that is honestly easier said than done. Trust me, I would know. I know I’ve written about this a lot but I’ve never actually saw forgiveness in this kind of light. I always saw forgiveness as something that was difficult and took a while to muster up; Something that required a person to put away their pride, release the anger they were harboring, and move on and forgive. However tonight, I saw forgiveness differently.
When someone wrongs you in a huge way, a way that seems unforgivable, something that you can’t look past, the tendency is to become bitter. You think to yourself that if this person ever apologizes it’s gonna take a lot for them to actually receive your forgiveness and acceptance back into your life. When the time finally comes and that person actually asks for forgiveness, you don’t even have to think twice about it and you just forgive them on the spot. Why was it so easy to forgive them when you could’ve easily been bitter? It’s because in your heart, you’ve already forgiven them a long time ago. I’ve never looked at why it was so much easier to forgive this person rather than that person. I honestly think that the reason it’s easier to forgive some and not others is because of the love you have for that person.
Speaking from experience, I’ve had times where people have apologized and there were a lot of instances where I’ve chosen to forgive right on the spot and then there were some instances where it took a LONG time for me to forgive. I really think that the times I did forgive on the spot was because in my heart, I knew that that person was a person I probably couldn’t live without. I knew that I would rather let my guard down and have them in my life than be stubborn and bitter and possibly lose that person forever. Forgiveness is definitely an act of love and when you love a person so much, nothing they say or do will make you stop loving them. 70x7
Boys who roll out of bed, pick you up from your house, brings you back to their house, cooks you breakfast, watches chick flicks & tv dramas, buys you lunch AND dinner, then brings you back home at the end of the night with a goodnight kiss to top it all off.
Where can I find one of those? Haha.
I know, I know, I use that phrase A LOT but its true. I just dont have time for a lot of things & the only reason im blogging right now is because i put nail polish on while i was studying & now im taking a break and waiting for it to dry. Lol. Anywho, where was i going with this? Oh yeah, aint nobody got time for that. As i was saying, it feels as if theres not enough hours in the day to get everything that you need to get done. My overall schedule this semester is so demanding and time consuming that its getting harder and harder for me to balance out work and play. Im currently enrolled in 17 units, 6 classes, advanced nutrition, advanced nutrition lab, advanced science of foods, nutrition across the lifespan, physiology and philosophy. All ive gotta say is that these classes are tough. On top of my full time student status, Im a nanny for one family and i babysit occasionally for 3 other families. The nanny gig is three times a week and the other three are at least once a week. So, I work 5-6x a week for about 3-4 hours a day. I am so overwhelmed and so stressed and so tired and so burned out by friday that all i wanna do over the weekend is catch up on sleep and be lazy aaaall day but that usually doesnt happen. Last Friday alone, i started my school day at 7am and ended my school day at 6pm… ON A FRIDAY. Three back to back to back exams is just mentally exhausting. Did i mention that i try and hit the gym at least 5x a week plus other extracurricular activities such as volleyball, teaching sunday school, going to club meetings and trying to run for president for the culinary food science club. All of this, plus studying, homework, ncp notes and trying to keep my gpa up. I think ive bit off more than i could chew.
However, the whole point of this entry was not to complain—ok, maybe just a little—about my busy life and my busy schedule but it was merely to point out that if you ask me to hang out, I will try my best to do just that and if im crabby and irritable towards you or anyone else, im sorry. Im sleep deprived. Also, the whole point is to show that i am fine. I really am. Yeah, the whole situation overall just sucks but im thankful that i dont have time to dwell on things that would just make me sad and miss you even more. So when i do choose to stay at home and take a nap or sleep or whatever instead of going out, its not because im sad or i wanna just mope around its because I really am just tired. Yeah, theres gonna be a time when im gonna crack under the pressure and just feel overwhelmed, overworked, stressed out and sad all at the same time but that time hasnt come yet. Trust me, youll know.
Last winter was the laziest ive ever been during a break and im glad i enjoyed every minute of it. God sure knew that i needed it. It was the calm before the storm. Believe me, i cant wait for this semester to just be freakin OVER. Lol. K, sleepy time. Rant over.
xoxo. ;-*
Its valentines day! This goes out to the boys in my life that have come and gone and to the boy who’ll eventually stay stay stay. (yes, that is a taylor swift reference)
Valentines day, the day where relationships are magnified but so is that status of being single. I can honestly say that I have never had a valentine and that has never bothered me. Every “relationship” that ive been in has always ended right before this day came. Anywho, in the spirit of valentines day, I do feel that this day should be a happy day for anyone, thats why this post is not gonna be depressing or anything like that. Its merely an ode.
To all the little crushes ive had throughout my whole life time. Thank you for keeping the hopeless romantic in me alive. Thank you for giving me countless hours of girl talk with my friends and for being a major point in arguments on who is cuter than who or who has a nicer smile than who. Hah. You get the picture.
To the boys that were the object of my affection when i was a teenager. Thanks for the late night phone calls, the innocent puppy love and the astronomical phone bills.
To the boys that spoil me. There are countless times when boys have taken me shopping, bought me lunch or dinner, cooked for me, picked me up from home, dropped me off, taken me to a movie and so much more. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for treating me like a princess.
To the boys that broke my heart and played me, thank you as well because you taught me not to wear my heart on my sleeve.
To the boys that have pieces of my heart that i will probably never get back, thank you for being the ones i knew i could trust with those little pieces.Thanks for treating me with respect and for making my heart flutter at every smile, every kiss, every hug and every sweet romantic guesture.Thank you for showing me that even though it didnt work out between us that there are some decent guys in the world.
To the boy that I will give the rest of my heart to, Im sorry that i gave away little tiny pieces of my heart that i could never get back and that i couldnt give my whole heart to you but just know that I will love you with every fiber of my being, despite the fact.
And on that note, I am done with this cheesy valentines day post. I hope you all had a wonderful day because i know i did. Despite not having someone on this particular day, looking back at it, Ive had someone on the days that really mattered the most and thats good enough for me.
“Anything worth having is worth fighting for.”
That’s the saying right? Screw that “if you love something, set it free” crap. Just remember that there’s not only one way to fight & this is the way I’m choosing to fight. Psalm 37:4.
When i was a kid, I saw roller coaster rides as the scariest things in the world. I would never stand in line for one and i would never have gotten near one. As i grew up, it took baby steps for me to actually get on one. I started off small and worked my way up to the big kid ones until i learned to love them. Even though ive been on quite a few, i still get nervous and still feel anticipation as I wait to actually get on the ride. Im pretty sure that for the rest of my life, that feeling will never change because even though you know youre gonna be ok in the end, the in between part is always gonna be the scariest.
A roller coaster ride will always have its ups and its downs. Sometimes itll give you butterflies and sometimes itll make you feel sick to your stomach. Everything will happen so fast and before you know it, its over. You wanna close your eyes and hold on tight for safety but you know that the ride is always much more fun when you keep your eyes wide open and let your hands free. Its exciting and scary all at the same time but you love it. Even though the journey to get up to riding that roller coaster was scary and nerve wrecking, you dont ever regret getting on the ride.
This is exactly the way I felt about you and i wouldnt trade any of it for the world.
I guess it’s that time of year again where everyone reflects on the year that has just passed and makes goals for the year that is to come. So in a nutshell & in bullet point form, here is my 2012.
2012:
•I started my 5th and 6th semester of college.
•I went to the gym… A lot.
•I lost 15 pounds.
•I went to Disneyland in spring break for our annual trip and then some before my pass expired.
•I tutored organic chemistry.
•I drove cross country in 2 days with my best friend.
•This year alone, I’ve been to 9 states. California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Virginia, North Carolina, & Maryland.
•I saw our nations capital with people that I will never ever forget.
•My first best friend got married in June.
•My high school best friend got married and graduated this year.
•I witnessed two of my friends commission into the military.
•I turned 21this year.
•I got drunk for the first time and then some. Haha
•I got into my first major car accident.
•I said goodbye to my first car.
•I cooked a lot.
•I ran 6 miles for the first time ever.
•I fell for a boy & got hurt. Like always.
•I withdrew from everyone for a month and a half.
•I forgave the boy who hurt me & now were friends again.
•I came to the realization that I have some of the best friends ever.
When the semester started, I was so eager for it to end and for the new year to begin but now that it’s finally here, I am not ready to say goodbye to 2012. Through the ups and the downs, I have no regrets for any of the decisions that I made this year. Some decisions may have been foolish but that’s all part of growing up, which I hate to say is what I’m doing. I’m definitely not the same girl that I was a year ago. So I guess this is my farewell to the year of many firsts, the year of many tears and laughter, the year that just went by way too fast. 2012, we had our share of heartaches but like always, the good always outweighed the bad & for that, I feel tremendously blessed. Here’s to 2013.
xoxo. ;-*
All I want for Christmas is to be home with my fave SB. Thats all.
Looking back at my past posts from the last three months, its kind of hard to believe that everything that happened, happened. It feels like it was just so long ago. To be honest with you, Im a lot stronger than i gave myself credit for and i feel as if ive grown up from the person i used to be. If you know me, I dont get mad or sad over little things. I mean, I do but im the type to get over it quick. So if something bothers me, it has to be something big. Before, I used to not be able to let go of things. I used to hold onto grudges and shut the person out until that person came up to me and tried to fix things. I let the past eat me up inside. I let the memory of a bad day ruin a perfectly good week. The thing is though, with me, I bottle it all up, so you wouldnt even notice. However now, I honestly would not like to have any awkward encounters with people, i dont like it when theres tension between me and another person. Sometimes, its hard to be the bigger person and swallow your pride but its even harder to hold on to the past and let that hurt you.
So this weekend, I guess you could say that I tried to right a wrong. I tried to fix something that was broken and for the most part, I think i could say that its back to normal. Of course something that was broken can never be repaired in the same manner as it was. However, some may say that trying to fix this “problem” was foolish of me. Was it foolish of me though to just move on from the past three months? I dont think so. I think that this weekend taught me a lot. It taught me that what could have been, would have been good. It would have been easy. It would have been wonderful. It taught me that everything truly happens for a reason. The mere fact that “what could have been” was just so easy wouldve made it that much harder to let go of “what could have been” when the time came. Who knows though? The game isnt over until the game is over. Maybe my “what could have been” could still happen, maybe it wont. You just gotta wait and see.
xoxo. ;-*
